A Hot Mess

The bigger they come the harder they fall.

 

Case in point – AIG.

 

I’ve read all the articles on why they can’t be allowed to fail and still I say – let the chips (and chumps) fall where they may.

 

If they’re too big then it’s time someone or something cut them down to size.

 

We can play by the rules they made. They chopped up risky mortgages/loans and sold them off to various unsuspecting banks to lessen their personal risk and spread it thinner.

 

When they go under the global landscape will be altered, not just that of the USA since AIG screwed the world with their clothes on. (Anyone check KY stock recently? It should be on the rise!)

 

The ‘manmade’crash will spread out across the world instead of just the US. Let’s let some of these other ‘global’ investors(crooks) absorb some of the shock and a fair share of the responsibility for this mess.  The shock waves from David slaying Goliath will be felt around the world so it shouldn’t feel like we, alone, are doing a balancing act along the San Andreas Fault in stilettos.

 

Then we’ll do what we’ve un-categorically done throughout history – pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and get down to the business of rebuilding…..business. This time at bat let’s make a concentrated effort to learn from our mistake – when I say ‘our’ I really mean ‘their’ – the people who looked the other way while AIG was busy digging us a crater of insolvency!

 

Do you know the difference between a rut and a grave? The depth!!!! When you find yourself in a hole – you should STOP digging. Sounds like common sense, eh? Then why don’t we get the picture? AIG has dug us all into a black hole with their fiscal irresponsibility – why doesn’t anyone have the guts to take the damn shovel away!?!?!?

 

I’d pull the plug on them in a New York minute if the choice were up to me. I have an extremely difficult time mustering up a smidgeon of sympathy for the AIG people behind this hot mess or for those who deregulated, looked the other way, buried their heads in the sand, and generally let one ridiculously overpaid group of greedy grubbers mismanage the crap out of our economy thereby putting countless people in financial purgatory and then handing them MY (and your) tax dollars to ‘retain talented employees’?!?!??!!?!? HUH?

 

 

Since when are greed and gluttony talents? Once upon a time they were but 2 of the 7 deadly sins. These days it seems they’re ‘skills’ to be proudly listed on resumes, bragged about over power lunches, and honed like an heirloom samurai sword.

 

 

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do – is nothing.

(Theodore Roosevelt)

 

 

It’s time we stop doing ‘nothing’ – it’s not working out so well for us. Bemoaning our fate isn’t going to make the necessary changes needed to turn our economy and our country around.

 

 

I could write all night and beat this proverbial dead horse but it’s pointless. There is a timely and succinct quote that sums up the answer to the dilemma we presently face. We should adopt it – posthaste.

 

 

 

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

(Margaret Mead)

 

 

 

 

Be the change you want to see in the world.

 

 

 

 

Bucket List

One thing to cross off my bucket list -

Swimming in a rooftop pool at twilight – it was magical!!!!!
The colors of daylight painting the sky into a horizontal evening rainbow – absent the rain.
Muted colors washing the horizon into quiet summer stillness.

Surviving the first part of vacation with the ex – with a smile )

Looking forward to the next few days with my children.

Anticipating coffee and a sunrise over the Atlantic ocean in the solitude of dawn.

Finishing another book and wondering what I’ll pick next.

Taking a shower – greeting this new day <3 <3 <3

Muse Flash

I watched a movie at work yesterday. Steel Magnolias……still a tear jerker after all these years. I knew going into it I would get emotional and still I went ahead with it anyway. It makes me contemplative….about life…..love……family……and surviving. It hits close to home…..all the emotion in that movie. I lived a similar life experience nearly 23 years ago……soon I will write about it…..after all these years I might finally be able to find my voice and share the life altering experience.

Preparing to go on vacation! What a huge undertaking. Does anyone else drive themselves crazy with all the details or do you just pack your bag and hit the open road? I am my own worst enemy. I guess I really do make things more complicated than they have to be. There is a house to consider. Dogs to be dealt with. Bills to be paid. Who needs what before we go. The only thing I have ready are my books. They are one of the most important ingredients of a successful vacation…..to me, anyway. The only thing missing is a good cup of coffee and a beach!

Senior pictures are today. Yes, for the high maintenance almost 17 year old. She has been impossible for the past 2 days. I would rather wrestle a rabid crocodile that hasn’t eaten for 2 months than to deal with her when she’s acting like this. Luckily, she is very photogenic so her ugly mood won’t be apparent in pictures. She’ll look like an angel in one dimension. I’m the only one who won’t be fooled. I’ll bear the brunt of her wrath like I always do.

Hardly anything on my ‘To Do List….’ is done. I make lists of things to accomplish before I go on vacation so I feel like I did something to deserve one. Probably a self-defeating move. I don’t feel as if I should go off and enjoy myself if I haven’t done ’something’ to make me deserving of it. I survived the last year. By all accounts it’s been one of the worst in the history of me. That alone makes me deserving….if I really think about it. There will be difficult times to deal with soon enough. The one year anniversary of it looms large. I should vacation and enjoy it for all it’s worth. The memories of it will buoy me and lend some perspective in the days and weeks ahead. Dark days…..sad days……days of sorrow filled with what if’s……and ‘if only’s’….

I’m reading Erma Bombeck. I was reading her book in-between watching Steel Magnolias. I bought the book for vacation but the temptation was too great. I was crying with sadness at the movie and crying and screaming laughing at the book. Thank God it was a quiet day at work. If anyone reviews the closed circuit video from the survelience cameras…..HA! what a laugh they’ll have watching me.

I survived the picture ordeal. She did look beautiful. Lovely even. Hard to believe another will be grown up. Some days it seems like they were babies a mere 20 minutes ago…..I don’t feel any older…..but the proof I am is behind the wheel of a car – not the handle bars of a tricycle. I have one left to go through senior pictures. It’s the mancub. That will be my reward for the hair, makeup, jewelry, not to mention the blood, sweat, and tears that all went into getting 1, 2, and 3, ready to roll. The mancub will grunt a few times, ball up the shirt I painstakingly iron, and head off to get his pictures taken with little to no preparation or fanfare.  He’ll come out looking just as good as the girls with minimal effort and ZERO words spoken, no whining, and no stressing about what to wear. Men really have it SO easy. He’ll roll his eyes at me when I ask if he wants me to go with him. I may have to follow 3 car lengths behind him in a borrowed car and disguise but eventually he’ll be glad I went although he’ll never admit as much to me.

A Toast To The Flag

“A TOAST TO THE FLAG” (c) by John Jay Daly of Washington, D.C. (1888-1976)

 

Here’s to the Red of it – There’s not a thread of it, No, nor a shred of it In all the spread of it, From foot to head But heroes bled for it, Faced steel and lead for it, Precious blood shed for it, Bathing it Red! Here’s to the White of it – Thrilled by the sight of it, Who knows the right of it But feels the might of it Through day and night? Womanhood’s care for it Made manhood dare for it; Purity’s pray’r for it Keeps it so White! Here’s to the Blue of it – Beauteous view of it, Heavenly hue of it, Star-spangled dew of it Constant and true; Diadems gleam for it, Liberty’s beam for it Brightens the Blue! Here’s to the Whole of it – Stars, stripes and pole of it, Body and soul of it, O, and the roll of it, Sun shining through; Hearts in accord for it Swear by the sword for it, Thanking the Lord for it, Red, White and Blue!

 

 

Fur-be or not to be?

It is unequivocally ok to wear fur, from a moral standpoint as long as the fur, hide, and/or skin is not procured by ill-gotten means.

If the fur has been collected responsibly and in an ethical manner this debate is a moot point. From time immortal, animal fur has been utilized for the greater good of mankind, namely to keep covered and keep warm, both honorable pursuits. How can that, in and of itself, be morally wrong? Once people recognized the functional properties of fur it was standard issue attire. In biblical times fur and hide were used for the same purposes we use them for today. If we’re morally wrong were they?

 If you don’t subscribe to the bible then examine your erstwhile ancestor, the cave man. They wore the fur of the animals they hunted for protection and warmth. Are they immoral because of those actions? In both instances the animals were killed, the meat was consumed, other parts such as bone were used for tools, and the hide was turned into clothing or blankets or shelters. Isn’t that largely the same as what we do today? If you want to argue that these days some animals are raised strictly to be slaughtered you’d be correct. If they weren’t the sacrificial lamb, so to speak, then wild animals would be the hunted. Some how, some way, some people are going to want meat to eat. It’s inherent to our species.

 If we don’t raise animals to serve those needs then it’s back to the old school way of hunting down wild game. Either way animals are going to be killed, meat is going to be eaten, and skins, furs, and hides are going to be left over and people are going to wear them. Honestly, thats as it should be. When an animal is sacrificed so that people are fed, be it tame or wild, the worst injustice you can perpertrate upon it, besides taking it’s life, is to frivolously waste any useable parts.

 To just kill for a hide, or the meat, or the tusk, or whatever the case may be is an immoral, unethical shame.

 To take the life of an animal so that people can eat and live and thrive is as it should be and what our Creator intended.

Epiphany

True confessions of a middle-aged woman

Telling the Truth:

Rule number one:

 

Live as if everything you do will eventually be known. No other rules are necessary if you make number one your mantra. I’m not advocating wearing your truth on your sleeve because there’s a fundamental legitimacy to the saying ‘What they don’t know won’t hurt them.’ I’m merely suggesting should the truth gets out, as it invariably does, it won’t be an ambush. Take a moment to think of the consequences of your actions and if you can deal then toss the dice.

 

It’s all a crapshoot anyway.

Reality:

It’s like a fingerprint – no two are alike! It’s ephemeral. It’s finicky. It’s fickle. Some days it’s an evolution. Some days a revolution. It changes like the tide and the seasons. It’s a buffer from the daily grind. It can drive you to the brink in a blink or keep you from losing your mind. 
 
It keeps you sane because it doesn’t have to be the same.  Be the best friend you ever had.

 

Jumping to conclusions…is not an approved exercise regime!

Walk to the edge of your comfort zone….and jump without a net.

Divorce Done Right

An oxymoron? Perhaps. But only if you equate ‘happily ever after’ with matrimony. Marriage isn’t always ‘magic’ and divorce isn’t always ‘tragic’. They both require a lot of hard work. Just because your marriage didn’t work out doesn’t mean your divorce can’t. What my husband and I failed to find in marriage we’ve successfully managed to achieve in divorce. Harmony!

We get along so much better now that we don’t live under the same roof. When he visits the kids I’m always happy to see him come and that’s mainly because I know he’ll be going! That’s the beauty of our present circumstances. I jokingly tell him ‘don’t leave thinking you’re not wanted and don’t come back thinking that you are’. We were married for 19 years, happily for 17, miserable for 2, and for the last 5 years – blissfully apart. I think we’re the exception rather than the rule. That being said however, I think there is a shift in the perception people have of divorce which is what has paved the way for ‘unwedded bliss’. The stigma and taboo of divorce isn’t what it once was. As a society we’re moving past that. It no longer automatically signifies ‘failure’.

Between us we have four children. It goes without saying that we love them whole-heartedly and unconditionally. That love supersedes the reasons we’re no longer married. Our goal as divorced parents hasn’t changed one iota from the one we shared as married parents. Our children’s happiness is all the motivation we need to get a long. Well that, and the genuine fondness we still have for one and other. We go out together often, with the kids and sometimes without. He takes care of repairs and maintenance around the house. My house. The one he vacated for the sake of the kids. When he does visit, which is usually weekly, I cook his favorite meals. He frequently takes the kids and me out to eat and he pays. We exchange birthday presents and Christmas gifts. He pays child support on time and regularly gives more than he’s required to. When the kids need something extra for school he’s ready and willing to buy it. He’ll even take them out to get it. We go on day trips together. Vacations are still a family affair. We’ve spent every Christmas together since we separated and it’s always at my house, because it happens to be ‘home’ to our children. We go to family functions together. My family and his, from weddings to funerals and the reunions and gatherings in-between. Invitations still come addressed to Mr. and Mrs. To some, we’re still a couple and a change in geography hasn’t changed the way they view us. To others we’re a couple of kooks with a wacky unconventional divorce that we’re enjoying for what it’s worth. And to us, it’s priceless. It’s an arrangement that might not work for everyone but it works for us.

That doesn’t mean we’re unique or special or charmed. It means that even though living together is no longer an option living without each isn’t either. We are, for all intents and purposes, interminably linked to each other for all time. Bringing four children into the world together has seen to that. We didn’t enter into marriage or parenthood lightly. The marriage didn’t make it but our responsibility to our children didn’t end with the divorce decree. We share the pitfalls and pinnacles of our children, equally. Important milestones in their lives are wrought with meaning for us. Our solidarity where our children’s lives are concerned is paramount. How can we ‘talk the talk’ if we’re not willing or able to ‘walk the walk’? I don’t want to miss the awards and graduations and plays and ceremonies that form the landscape of my children’s lives. I don’t want to put them in a position of having to choose which parent they want to attend an event because we’re unwilling or unable to get along. I don’t want to be a cause of stress or angst in their lives.

The business of living and every day life will toss enough obstacles their way without the two people who love them more than anything in their lives add to the mayhem. We’ve tried to teach our children patience, understanding, and tolerance. What kind of hypocrites would we be if we weren’t able to live by the advice we’ve given them?

 

Going for broke (aka-going broke!)

What I would like to know is how does anyone expect the ‘little guy’ to make ends meet when every company out there is passing the buck on to the consumer? The current state of economic affairs in this county gives new meaning to the ‘trickle down’ theory. By the time I finish paying for everyone else’s gas by way of fees, surcharges, add-ons etc. there’s no money left to put gas in my own car, or food on my own table, for that matter. I wonder where it’s headed and where it will end. I’m ready to walk away from everything. My daily life is filled with a constant sense of foreboding. I never have enough money to pay my bills even though I have pared them down to the bare minimum. I pay my mortgage, my utilities, gas for the car and lawn mower, and then buy food if there is anything left, which isn’t often. I don’t go to the salon, the dry cleaners, use my central air, or out to eat. I don’t buy anything unless it’s necessary and I can’t afford some of the things that are such as dental check ups for my kids. The harder I work and the more money I try to make the more things increase. What I thought was a ‘little extra’ money is eaten up by rising gas and food bills. I know there are people worse off than me. My house isn’t in foreclosure. My utilities aren’t in danger of being shut off yet. I wonder how the people who are in such dire straights find the courage to get up every day. It’s getting harder. I think I might be fighting depression in some form or fashion but it costs money to go to the doctor to find out for certain. I can’t afford the office visit and I surely can’t afford to get a prescription filled should the doctor deem it necessary. What to do? Keep fighting this uphill battle till I end up in the poor house by way of foreclosure? There are days I can barely drag my body out of bed which are usually preceded by nights devoid of sleep but abundant with stress and worry. I’ve considered many different ideas to try and stall the inevitable. Sell the few good pieces of jewelry I have. Cash in savings bonds that belong to my children (which wouldn’t equal one month’s mortgage). Sell my car which is worth $4000.00, use $1000.00 to purchase a cheap car and use the difference to pay bills. I could also sell off things I’ve collected over the years when times weren’t quite so tight. I have some collectors’ items, fine china, lead crystal, and a few antiques. Does it make sense to sell these items, (some of which are priceless in sentimental value) in a depressed economy when I’m not likely to get what they’re worth but I am likely to regret the decision someday? I know so many are in the same proverbial boat that I am. It’s incomprehensible that we could be this close || to going broke and yet here we are, looking poverty square in the eye. I have already resigned myself to the idea that I will never be able to retire. I will have to work right up until I kick the bucket and hope I don’t leave too many bills and not enough inheritance. I always run out of money before I run out of month and I don’t see that changing any time in the near future.    

 

Maiden Voyage

As the mother of 2 twenty-somethings and 2 teenagers is it any wonder I’ve taken to writing a blog? They never listen to any of the sage advice I impart daily or weekly, depending on when they deign to talk to me. The 22 year old knows everything and doesn’t have to tell me anything. Those are her words, not mine. The almost 21 year old moved away and calls weekly on a cell phone I still pay for. Weekly?!?! I wonder how popular she would be if she contacted her ‘friends’ as frequently as she does her mother. The 16 year old – Oy! She just passed her drivers test and apparently owns the world as well as the road! I can single-handedly carry on a more constructive conversation with the voices in my head than I can with her of late. The 15 year old is a quasi-man with tunnel vision for video games and all things sports. If he grunts at me once a day I consider myself lucky plus it saves me the trouble of checking him for vital signs (I’m all about multi-tasking). The aforementioned grunting usually occurs when he’s trolling for food and invariably opens the freezer hourly to stick his head in to cool off and to check the status quo of the frozen food content even though-had he been paying attention-he would know I’ve never left the house to grocery shop.

I’ve been too busy picking up. Picking up cast off items strewn about the house which I didn’t get out and shouldn’t have to put back. To amuse myself I sometimes take those things and hide them on my children. It’s fun to watch them go nuts looking for them on their way out the door to go to school when they’re already running late. Does that sound mean? Judge not, lest ye be judged or at least until you try it yourself and see how amusing it actually is.

If I’m not running down kids and their belongings I’m feeding and caring for the pets those same children swore they wanted and would lovingly care for until the end of time. What they really meant was till the end of the week in which we first acquired the pet in question. Is it a coincidence that I have 4 children and 4 pets? I think not. That being said, however, I suppose it’s worked to my advantage because I have a pet to take the place of each child.

There are three dogs, and each one has a personality like each of my girls. The black dog is like the almost 21 year old, sometimes energetic, sometimes lethargic, usually loveable, but prone to being needy and high maintenance. The white dog is beautiful, like the 22 year old. Eye candy, both of them. Flighty, impetitous, and aloof with an unrealistic sense of entitlement. The English bulldog is the 16 year old incarnate. Lazy, sloppy, and all about their next meal or a ride in the car. They do as little as possible, whine when it’s hot, and wait impatiently for others to cater to their every whim. As for the 15 year old man-cub, we have a pet that also grunts occasionally to remind us of his presence, an African spur tortoise. Say what?!?!? Yes, a crazy exotic pet that the man-cub acquired 4 years ago shortly after it hatched. In theory they make perfect pets. They don’t make noise (except for the occasional grunt or throat clearing noise-ackkk), you don’t have to feed them anything that’s alive like insects or small rodents, and they’re happy to park it under a light and sun themselves like a spoiled A-list movie star. Then one day you realize that this benign little pet is going to out grow your house, yard, and probably the local zoo and in all likelyhood outlive your 10 year old by about 120 years. WHAT was I thinking?!?!!? This is the kind of pet you insist your child must take with him when he moves out, even if he says he’s only going away to college and he’ll be back for it. Don’t believe him. He will go to college across the state or the country and never come back. By that time the tortoise will be too large for you to legally ship and you’ll be hooked and stuck. 

The tortoise, who shall remain nameless, only because the children could never agree on a name, is simply referred to as ‘The Tortoise’. At least he has a title, in a manner of speaking. When they want my attention I get a  ’Yo!’ or ‘What up, Yo!’ I’m 45 years old and couldn’t get away with speaking to my parents like that. They’re both a little hard of hearing but bet your bottom dollar they’d hear me address them like that and it would not be well received. I refuse to answer my kids when they talk that way which might just actually be why they do it. They know I’ll give them the silent treatment which means peace and quiet for an hour or two.

If my children really were animals they wouldn’t be dogs or tortoises, they’d be 3 toed sloths. The slowest, laziest animals in the kingdom. They have no sense of urgency, not even in an emergency. They don’t hurry, they don’t worry, and they’re not afraid of work. They’ll lie down next to it and take a nap.

On this, my maiden voyage, I’ll leave you with wise words to contemplate. I only wish I was witty enough to have penned this, but alas, I did not. Who ever did is a genius and for the record, my hero.

“Raising teenagers is like trying to nail jello to a tree.”