I have one of those lives where nothing goes right. Everything is falling down around me. Literally! The shower upstairs is leaking into the downstairs powder room. The people who built and owned the house before me apparently had little regard for local ‘code’ and opted to skip putting in shut off valves to the upstairs shower. The only way to stop the leak is to shut off the water to the whole house. There is no access panel to that shower and the faucet is leaking, well, I think it’s the faucet. Who knows. At this point who really cares. So many other things don’t work around here I have my choice daily over which catastrophe to stress out about. The tractor doesn’t work so the grass doesn’t get cut. Well, I’ve been cutting it with the weed whacker. Yeah, slow, tedious, stupid, and a waste of time. What else to do though? I don’t have any money to get it fixed. I don’t have enough money to pay my bills. I can’t afford a plumber to fix the pipe problem. The window in my car doesn’t roll down, the motor is shot. No money to fix that and I can’t afford to use the air conditioning in the car (or the house for that matter) so I sweat everywhere I go except for work because they do have air there. The fridge leaks water daily because something is wrong with it too. It builds up under the drawers and runs right out the door and on to the floor. I’m sure it’s slowly ruining the hardwood floor in the adjoining room. I try to keep ahead of that by mopping up the water every day before it runs out on the floor. Some times when it’s hot and humid it happens before I catch it. My life is a series of slow leaks. I’m sinking without a life preserver. I’m tired of treading water, staying one step ahead of a catastrophe, patching things, and never accomplishing a thing. I’m at my wits end. At the end of my rope. I’m this close || to walking away from it all. My house, my kids, my family, my job, my ’so called life’ and just driving till I run out of gas (which won’t be very far because I can’t afford that either) and living life as a homeless person. I guess you can be homeless even though you have a car, eh? I’ve tried to convey to the people around me how desperate I feel and how hopeless my situation is/seems but they don’t seem to get it. I’m tired of thinking about it, talking about it, and living it. I want out. I just don’t know what else to do. There doesn’t seem to be anywhere to turn to for help. What’s a person to do?
Tags: depression, desperation, failure, hopelessness, sadness
August 5, 2008 at 1:59 pm |
((((((((( Hugs )))))))))))))))
you’re preaching to the choir – you could be describing MY life!
Hang in there, like the saying goes, “when you’re going through hell, don’t stop! keep going!”
August 6, 2008 at 12:48 pm |
Wow! Looking back at what I wrote here – it’s nothing more than one huge run on sentence. HA! Someone was upset and didn’t take the time to [edit] eh? I should write a book – The Idiot’s Guide on ‘Going Through Hell’ and Enjoying It (because it’s the only trip you can afford) Thanks for the hug. It sounds like the ‘parallel universe theory’ might not just be hogwash, eh?